Ever had one of those days where you just wanted to throw in the towel? Let me tell ya, today was one of those days. I just wanted to say, REALLY? THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE?!!
It was just one thing, after another, after another.
Sometimes, when in the midst of a storm, it's hard to see a way out. I know I am the WORST with foretelling my own fate.
Example: Brayden falls off the bed, and hits his head. Before he lets out his first cry, I've already given him a concussion, with trauma to the brain, and declared that he will never be able to ever bump his head again or he will die instantly...
Or if Brendan doesn't reply to a text fast enough, or answer his phone.. I've already pictured Brendan's corporal showing up at our house to tell me the unfortunate news about him being killed in the line of duty, while rescuing orphans from a burning building during a tornado...
Psalm 112:6-8 says
Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
My foe? Lately has been fear. Why I let it consume me, I don't understand. Some days are good, some days are not so good. Today- not so good.
I find that God always finds a way to make humor out of certain situations, in such a way, that I KNOW it is Him..
Today, as we do every Wednesday, we went to drop Brayden off at AWANA. As usual, we had Hundsley with us, because while he is at AWANA, the kids and I go to my grandparents house, and eat dinner, and watch American Idol. Hundsley has a play date with my grandmas dog, Pierre. Well, I got out of the car, left it running, with Braxton, Breland, and Hundsley still inside as I ran Brayden in, and ran right back out.I get to the car, the car is locked. The CAR is LOCKED. With my kids inside. RUNNING, on EMPTY. (sh, don't tell Brendan, I didn't have time to get gas) So, I immediately went into normal Jaalisa panic mode.
Brelands going to starve.
Braxton's going to freak out, and be scarred for life.
He'll never want to ride in the car again.
Oh my gosh, what will people think?
I left my kids in the car for 15 seconds.
I'm a terrible mom.
Someone could have driven off with them.
I'm going to be on the news.
Great, and they will interview Brendan at work.
The headline in the paper will say "COPS WIFE LEAVES KIDS UNATTENDED IN CAR. SENTENCED TO LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE"
I'll have to join a prison gang.
And learn to play poker so I can win cigarettes.
I'll have to start smoking to look tough.
I'll get lung cancer.
I'll die in prison.
My headstone will say: Daughter, wife, sister, TERRIBLE mom.
As I'm thinking all this, I notice a guy we used to have bible study with is standing next to my car. I told him what I did, and he laughed, and said his wife had done the same thing, many a times. He lets me use his phone to call Brendan.
As he walks me to my car, Hundsley comes up to the door, and starts barking at him. Then it clicked! HUNDSLEY locked the doors!! She likes to get in the front seat when I get out, and she must have stepped on the lock button! Before I could even finish that sentence, the sweet guy was trying to aggravate Hundsley even more so she would step on the button again! It worked!!
I jerked the door open, gave him a heck of a high five, promised to name my fourth born after him, and drove to the gas station. While there, I was talking to my twin, and we both just had to laugh at the way God reassured me that once again, like always, he had my back.
It's something that I should know. That I DO know, but still sometimes it manages to slip away. I love that God knows me better than I know myself, and He knows how to make me snap back into reality, and leave me in a place where all I can do is thank Him, even when I've had the worst day.
Thank you, for knowing that sometimes for a second, I may lose sight. Thank you for always helping me find my way back. Thank you for loving me, even when I don't trust in you. Thank you. Amen.
-The Banks Mama