Well hello, little abandoned blog of mine. For shame.
I always have the best intentions of blogging, I even do posts in my head, and never find the time to actually sit down and do them.
Right now, the most important thing in my life is sleep.
No but I'm serious. Without the proper amount of rest, I am just physically, and mentally not my best.
As is the truth for every human being. Rest is so very important for our overall health. My goal for this year was only to continue on the path of becoming the person that I am meant to be.
A WHOLE person. Physically, mentally, spiritually rounded, and I am continuing on that path. One day I'll blog about my fitness, and how I lost almost 40 lbs in less than a year, and one day I will find the strength to blog about how I have learned to overcome negative people in my life, and yes, one day I will finally finish our Disney vacation, but today is NOT that day.
Today, I will blog about my DAUGHTER!
To even say that, is completely, foreign to me. Daughter. Baby girl. Female. PINK!
I guess I'd have to start back when we found out Brevin was a boy. Because of how he came into this world I think, I was ecstatic to have another son. His little life was almost gone in a matter of minutes. I was so grateful that I had a HEALTHY tiny baby. Who cares about gender? Seriously?
My heart was content, especially following that emergency c section, and everything that came with it. I was of course open to have more babies, but I knew in my heart that I was done.
B and I talked about it, just to keep it on the table, because, come on, I was 26 years old, in ridiculously good shape (yes, toot, toot), and we had always talked about having 5-7 kidlets. We have always just wanted a big family. Something we agreed on before he even proposed marriage.
We agreed that if we were to have another baby, I would get my mirena taken out in December or January, and if I was not pregnant before Brendans 30th birthday this April, Brendan would go ahead and get a vasectomy. Done deal.
As more time passed, I realized that I was NOT ready to be pregnant again. I wanted to wear bikinis this summer, and go zip lining, and ride roller coasters, and do the tough mudder marathon, and the list goes on.
I loved our even number of our family of 6. I daydreamed of us going to amusement parks and having a perfect number for each of us to have a roller coaster buddy. Or splitting up into two teams for a family game of basketball or touch football. Each boy had a buddy, and it would be perfect!
I decided it in my mind, and gave away every single piece of maternity clothing I owned, even bigger clothes that weren't maternity, but clothes I had never planned on wearing again, because I planned on just getting smaller! HOLLA! I gave away all my baby boy clothes that Brevy had outgrown to my friend expecting her baby boy, and I was on a mission to be the most fit mom of 4 boys that there ever were.
In November, I had ovarian cyst issues which landed me an extensive stay on the good old couch until they ruptured or went away. I was MISERABLE! I got an ultrasound at the hospital, where the ultrasound tech saw my mirena, and also my 2 large cysts on my ovaries.
After they ruptured, we got back to normal life. And all the things that come with that. Ahem. We also took precautionary measures, ahem, because I had a yeast infection. I'm not going to go into details butchuknowhatimtawknbout.
So anyways, one December morning, the 21st of December, to be exact, I was just chillin, eating breakfast, talking to my kids, and I felt it. The vomit. I ran to the bathroom, and in true movie fashion, I threw up. Immediately, I grabbed my phone and went to my period tracker app. 4 days late.
WHAT THE HELL?
I knew I had mirena, so I didn't quite freak out THAT bad, because periods can be irregular, and I was also still breastfeeding, so I calmly text my sister and asked her to go get me a pregnancy test. After her doing back flips, she came over, eager for me to test. I had already peed in a cup, so I dipped the test and put it on the counter. I didn't even have time to think. It was POSITIVE.
But. But.. But... I'm on mirena.. and we were careful. And I'm still breastfeeding. And... WHAT?
After I got off the bathroom floor, where I laid for a few minutes, I text some friends and asked what I should do. All of them agreed that false positives don't exist, and that I was probably pregnant.
Crap. What was B going to say? We JUST said we were done having kids. I mean he had already found a urologist! I guess I forgot the man I married for a split second, after I called him, he text me after he had time to think and said "It's because you're so damn fine" My husband, ladies and gents.
We agreed we would go to the hospital, to make sure it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, because that was my number one fear. We were in so much shock, that after I took the urine test at the hospital, when the nurse left, she said "congratulations" and we were like "tthaaankkk yoouu??" we were just confused. How does this even happen?
The ultrasound confirmed nothing. They could not see a baby. But guess what they also couldn't see? MY MIRENA. Yep. It was gone. Vanished. Disappeared.
The doctor also said that my HCG was dangerously low, and that I was probably going to have a miscarriage, or maybe not, and that the baby could possibly be in my tubes, but they weren't sure -___- We went home even more confused than when we went.
I wasn't starting to get sick yet, I just felt kinda off, so I had no idea what was going on. We still told a few close people, and my mother of course, but we wanted everyone to just pray for us.
I ended up going back to the hospital because I had some bad pain, and they told me to come back if I had pain. I still thought the baby was in my tubes.
This time on ultrasound, they saw the baby, but the heart rate was only 90.
Again, they feared miscarriage. I was so discouraged at this point. I don't know why, but I just thought the baby was not going to make it. And I was confused, because I thought I didn't want a baby, but I guess I did.
My aunt, aka my life coach, aka my everything, text me a prayer, and immediately told me some supplements to rush order (black haw and progesterone) and I felt at ease. If she believed in this tiny baby, why couldn't I, too?
The supplements came in, I took them, and waited for my first OB appt. They rushed me in for an ultrasound, and the technician almost giggled, because the baby's heart rate was so strong.
We felt so much better, and wrapped our minds around having another baby. Once we started telling people of course everyone said "OH ITS A GIRL" Like no one had a doubt. Except a few haters. Cough cough.
I had ZERO intuition. Like I always don't. Since I had planned a big surprise anniversary trip to Las Vegas, I figured why not surprise him with the gender of the baby while we were there as well. I knew I could get the chromosome screening done at 10 weeks, so after finding out my insurance would cover it, I went and got the blood test done. That was the Wednesday before we left for Vegas. I skipped out of there thinking I would find out before our actual anniversary that coming Tuesday, then my nurse told me it took TWO WEEKS!
TWO WEEKS?! I honestly had such an amazing time in Vegas with Brendan, that we totally forgot all about it (I ended up telling him since we wouldn't find out before our anniversary). We got back that Tuesday night, and I waited until that Friday to call, just to see if the results were maybe in. My sweet nurse told me that they would probably be in by Monday, and to call back then.
Monday morning, I actually forgot. I was finishing up a birthday cake for my friends daughter, and I remembered. I was so scared to make that call.
What if it was another boy?!
Well, great! 5 boys! It IS all we know, after all. I mean, a girl would be WEIRD. And we'd have to change things, and do stuff, and prepare! Ha! But what if it was a girl? Just maybe? WHAT IF ITS A GIRL? But it's not, I can't have girls. Like I'm pretty sure my uterus has a mustache(stole that from another blogger) But seriously, I pop out boys. That's just what I do. Beautiful boys is my business, and business is GOOD!
Shaking, I called, and left a message. She called me back literally two minutes later. She started with "Told ya the results would be in! I'm assuming you called to find out gender, right?" I yelled "WAIT WAIT WAIT I'M NOT READY!!"
I had to breathe. I was shaking, and I had a piping bag in my hand. I started back piping on the cake and she said "Okay, well what do you WANT it to be?" I whispered " a giiirrrlll?"
And then she said 5 words that I have repeated in my head over and over again a billion times "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY GIRL!" I said "SHUT UP!!!!" I didn't know what to do. I swear my eyes went crossed, and I couldn't even focus. I started making eggs while she was talking..my kids weren't even awake yet.. and I was making breakfast lol. She told me that the rest of tests came back low risk for chromosomal abnormalities, and that I had a healthy BABY GIRL!
She could not stop laughing at me because she knows me well enough to know I was freaking the freak out. She said see you next Monday, and told me congratulations, and we hung up. I walked around my kitchen island a few times, sent out a shaky text to my friend Tasha that I was already texting "My nurse just called me, we are having a GIRL" My phone rang so fast, and she called me crying. We have the same due date, and she was telling me how big of a blessing it was, and it just still wasn't sinking in. OMG. I hadn't told B yet. After crying a bit with her, we hung up, and I ran and LEAPED on top of him.
He was half asleep. "BABBBEEE!!!" I yelled. "Yes" he said through one eye squinted. "WE ARE HAVING A GIRLLLLL"
He gave me the biggest smile his sleepy face could fit, and gave me the stinkiest morning kiss, and said "That's amazing babe." and then I leaped off of him and told him to go back to bed.
I know he probably felt like it was all a dream. I text all my friends, I just couldn't hold it in. Brendan had really wanted to do a gender reveal party, but I ruined all the chances of that in less than 10 minutes. I was just freaking out. My friend Melissa came over to pick up the cake, and couldn't even focus. She ran in the house and grabbed me and we squealed like teenagers. Her husband came and told me congratulations and had the BIGGEST smile!
On the way to the party, Brendan kept saying.. "wait, like, are we awake? Is this real? NOT a dream?" I was like, "I mean I've been slapping myself all morning so I guess not!"
We are having a daughter you guys. I know this post got lengthy, so I will end it here. I will have to gather the rest of my thoughts and write about what having a little girl means to this mama, who was totally prepared to be a boy mom forever.
Thank you every single person who has shared in our excitement! It has meant more than you know, and also kind of helped us realize that this is actually real.
A baby girl! What do we do?!