Can I be real today?...
Well y'all know I'm going to be anyways..
Being a mom is the best worst job in the world.
I tell my first time mom friends this all the time.
It's just hard. Not only is there the pressure to live up to society's standards, your moms standards, your mother in laws standards, there is also the pressure we as mothers tend to put on ourselves.
I know this all too well, because I am my harshest critic. Now, I am fortunate enough to have the most amazing support system I could ever have. No one who knows me (I mean truly knows me) aka my family, never once questioned my ability to be a mother. Even after the 2nd, 3rd, and now 4th baby.. There was some doubt about my timing, when we conceived Brayden, we were super young, not even sure about life, and probably had $5.00 to our names.
With time, and children, I'm pretty sure I proved that I had the ability to be a mother to many children. And not just any mother, oh no.. I am a stay at home mom. That title in itself raises so many eyebrows. I think I have heard all the stigmas that we SAHM's receive on a regular..
"You never get bored?" "Do you miss adult conversation?" "How do you do it?" "Wait, you don't work AT ALL?" Oh, the questions. Sometimes ignorant, sometimes, just genuinely curious, and most of the time, condescending...
Anyways, I digress. Mother hood is HARD!!! Regardless of if you stay home or not. Just being responsible for someone elses life is overwhelming just thinking about it.. I'm constantly worried about how not to screw up my children. Just the other day I was telling Brendan about one of my pregnant dreams and I said "It scared the CRAP out of me" and in walks my little parrot, Braxton, and says,"I didn't mean to scare the crap out of you!" Brendan and I just rolled our eyes and sighed.. And then in my head I'm like, great, we are going to be out in public somewhere, and Braxtons going to be like "CRAPPITY CRAP CRAPFEST CRAP CRAP CRAP!"
And that's just ONE of my worries.. not just what I say around or directly to them, but how I appear to them. I constantly ask Brayden and Braxton questions like "What is mommy's favorite thing to say?" or "How does mommy make you feel during the day?" Because I want to know how they feel.. I NEED to know how they feel.. It's my job. Brayden is quick to reassure me, and that is good, because he is the truthful one. One day his answer was, "Well, you made me feel sad yesterday, because I said I didn't want to take a nap, but you said I had to" Well, if that's the worst I make him feel, and the worst reason, I'll take it. I'm always praying he doesn't bring up the time I yelled, or screamed, or just went to my room and locked my door and shut them out..
I'm sure there will be worse situations... I try to make sure that every problem they have, becomes MY biggest concern. Whether it's Braxton sad because his truck broke, or Brayden upset because he can't tie his shoe. I try to stress that it is important to me. They need that constant validation. That way when they are having issues with the opposite sex, or being bullied, or whatever the case may be, they know that mommy and daddy will put everything aside and help them with their issue. I will probably never understand parents that are too busy for their children. Just stop for a second and talk to your child... How hard is that?
Brendan and I probably have weekly talks just about little things and situations and how we will handle them if the problem arises, or what we will not do/say to them to make them feel less than what they are...
It can be overwhelming. It's like walking on eggshells.. That are made of thin glass, on a tight rope, over an active volcano... Ha, dramatic?.. Maybe... but you can never be too careful. Parenting is not something you can just redo... You get one shot at raising your precious babies, and one chance to not screw it up. I'm sure I could have said that more eloquently, but eh...
Now, all this does NOT mean that I don't have my days. Because TRUST me, I have them. Many times I've wondered whyyy I ever wanted to have kids. If you've never thought that, than... I don't know, maybe you have a gift that you need to share with the rest of the parenting world. There have been days where I wish nap time was right after breakfast, or bedtime was 3 hours earlier. Having a playroom has been a huge crutch, that I am trying to stop leaning on. It's so easy to dismiss them there to play or watch a movie, with the door closed, of course, just so I can have 5 minutes of peace.
There are days I feel more like a robot than a mom.. Days I go to bed not even remembering if I fed them lunch or not. (I always do) but it's easy to get stuck in such a routine, or a habit, that it just becomes a blur. THAT my mom friends, is when you need a mom break. Thank goodness I've got so many friends that understand that, because mommy dates are a BLESSING. Do we end up talking about how much we miss our kids, funny things they say, and how cute they are? SURE! BUT, we are AWAY FROM THEM!
Date nights are also key. Goodness. We can't get enough of them.. (Thanks mom for always watching them so we can still date each other) And then, sometimes, you just need a good ole escape from reality. That's when you take your headphones, your favorite playlist, go to starbucks, get a latte, and just zone out for a little while. That can refresh a soul like no other.. So can a mani/pedi. Yes, Lord.
Like I said, motherhood is the best worst job in the world. Would I trade it for anything? Not EVER! And do not ask me this when my two year old has unwound a whole roll of toilet tissue.. My answer may change.. but just for a sec ;)